Frustrated

So I've been avoiding writing this blog. In regards to my work, many things have been building up that have led to my intense frustration with my internship. I'll start with my return from Manali though my issues began on day one.

It was hard to leave Manali and return to the heat. Though it's beginning to cool down a bit, the weather channel still reported it "feels like 100 degrees" I got stuck in Chandigarh on my way back due to a bus strike in the city. But I actually used that opportunity to stay in a nice hotel and get some good sleep on western mattress in a room with air conditioning. I didn't leave the hotel for the whole day. It was a little mini vacation. : ) Of course, the next day buses were up and running again so back to Janauri I went.

I realized when I got to Janauri I was avoiding really trying to start my project because I was beginning to have doubts that I would be able to do it. I'd already discovered that some of the things my organization promised me were not delivered (they said food was provided and the accommodation would be decent- by indian standards the place we live isn't even very decent) and I'd found out that all of the interns were summer interns and they were leaving, which could potentially leave me in the village alone. Of course I made it clear I would not stay there alone and they said an intern from another village would be staying with me until the next intern arrived. I'm still bothered that there will be only two of use. BUT. Before coming I made it clear that I did not want to teach English. What I have discovered is that EduCARE's source of income is their english program. If you can even really call it a program. Sometimes I'll have ten students, only one english book, and no blackboard of any kind. I also have no training in teaching ESL so this whole situation is stressful and depressing for me. They started the center I'm at- Janauri about a month and a half ago because they incorrectly believe that a huge amount of new interns would be arriving. So what they've done is spread us really thin across the three centers. They're determined to make me stay at this center simply because they need someone to teach English. I was pretty upset by this- it puts me in a really bad position because basically, I can either leave or I can try and do some waste management (by myself now) while teaching English and running the girls club. It sounds like one other girl is coming to Janauri and we're going to have to juggle all of the responsiblities between us while still trying to get our own projects accomplished. I feel like I was tricked into this. I was also told when I came that there was a waste management center already established that I could base my project off of. After talking to the other intern who was "managing" the waste mangement center in the other village, it became clear to me that this was also a creative twist on the reality of the situation. There is no waste management center. During our conversation the intern said, "Waste management center? What waste management center? I tried to get them to use cotton bags instead of plastic in the shops and it worked for a week or so but then they quit." I was furious by this point. I looked into going back to Chandigarh to do another internship through AIESEC but it turns out they're kind of a sham as well. By the end of the evening on Thursday, I was miserable, feeling like I'd flown around 9000 miles and spent a lot of money to sit around in a village to try and work with a shady english program.

The man who runs EduCARE, Baljinder Bhullar, says that EduCARE is about education and sustainability, yet the only sustainable effort they have is the one that makes them money (english). Apart from that, he tells the interns to create their own project, do the research, and take care of it themselves- that he'll help when he can. Is this the reality of aid work in developing nations? Is this why so little progress is made? The fact that he's expecting me to do so much while knowing no Hindi and having relatively little education is very upsetting. He said not knowing Hindi wouldn't be a problem. It's a huge one. No one in the village speaks English except the limited amount spoken by our english students. My other job role was supposed to be female empowerment. But due to the language barrier the girls club is little more than physical activities like drawing and games. I've tried to be creative as possible but I'm running out of ideas. The translators provided by the organization are local staff who have other responsibilities and limited time to help. In my anger and hopelessness, the only thing I really felt like doing was going home. I felt like a failure. However, after a few pep talks from my annoyingly optimistic family :) and after talking with the other interns, I have developed a plan-

My goal is to, instead of making a landfill of sorts (which is just not possible for me to do in the time I have), implement a recycling program in the village. I've done a little research and it seems doable. It'll consist of local education, working with a recycling plant, and working with the villagers to set up bins around the area. I'll hopefully have to teach English only once a day and run the girls club twice a week which I hope will leave enough time to get this project done. If it doesn't work due to lack of support or something like that, I plan on writing a research paper about aid work in developing nations and what's going wrong. I may do that anyway. I'll interview interns, Mr. Bhullar, AIESEC members, and other NGOs while also doing research back in the U.S.

I hope to find a silver lining in all of this. I know that if nothing else, coming to India has been extremely educational and has shown me a lot about myself- pushed me to my limits and made me realize that limits are relative. I hope my project will be successful, but I'm preparing myself for the eventuality that I'll have to regard any failure from an academic perspective so that this continues to be a learning experience.